Today i have sended an e-mail to my father. Whao. I have do it !
Well. Sometimes we have to forgive. we have to listen before shooting.
We will see what's happens.
31/08/2008
28/08/2008
Children of Thor
Sometimes i make some really cool dream. I remember one of them.
I'm am in a tavern, smoking a join. The barman is a dwarf with huge red bearb. His is smiling and happy. We drink together. The music is nice, a dryade sing with an angelic voice while pixies playing didgeridoo. I remember the athmosphere of this place. Not like reality. I remeber the feeling of that moment. Every single thing i feel at this moment i remember it. I remain the smell of weeds and the heat of the cloudy fog wave running through the hall. Near my place i see a guy who are drinking with a strange lady. The guy is like anybody but the woman was so beautyfull. A light skin like silk. Deux green eyes like emerald who look me intensly. Her long red hair running on her body like a living fire. She wearing a dark corset who let her shoulder naked. Her breast trapped in the silk look very tasty. The corset is ornate with a red shiny dragon. The dragon moving. I get out this place and outside i jump immediatly (it's a dream) in the cockpit of a F-22 raptor, of course i am a good pilot and i running in a huge hurricane full of water tornado. everything is grey and dark. the wind scream very strong and the visibility is almost impossible. the water hit the glass and make loudy choc. But i feel so strong and happy. Electrised by the power around me i start to scream of happyness while running around a tornado to the sky. I have run throught the hurricane for a long time. I was feeling verything, like the gravity and the acceleration, or the adrenalin running throught my veins and the electric impulse of my nerf boosted in exponential way.
I get out the hurricane and land on a mountain pike. there is a home there and the barman of the tavern get out of the home and point on me one of his finger. "Youu are blessed by thor now!" did he say. Then i see on my body an huge symbol of thor burned in my skins.
I wake up at this moment. I was really tired and feeling bad in my body, like when you run too munch.
It was a nice dream.
I'm am in a tavern, smoking a join. The barman is a dwarf with huge red bearb. His is smiling and happy. We drink together. The music is nice, a dryade sing with an angelic voice while pixies playing didgeridoo. I remember the athmosphere of this place. Not like reality. I remeber the feeling of that moment. Every single thing i feel at this moment i remember it. I remain the smell of weeds and the heat of the cloudy fog wave running through the hall. Near my place i see a guy who are drinking with a strange lady. The guy is like anybody but the woman was so beautyfull. A light skin like silk. Deux green eyes like emerald who look me intensly. Her long red hair running on her body like a living fire. She wearing a dark corset who let her shoulder naked. Her breast trapped in the silk look very tasty. The corset is ornate with a red shiny dragon. The dragon moving. I get out this place and outside i jump immediatly (it's a dream) in the cockpit of a F-22 raptor, of course i am a good pilot and i running in a huge hurricane full of water tornado. everything is grey and dark. the wind scream very strong and the visibility is almost impossible. the water hit the glass and make loudy choc. But i feel so strong and happy. Electrised by the power around me i start to scream of happyness while running around a tornado to the sky. I have run throught the hurricane for a long time. I was feeling verything, like the gravity and the acceleration, or the adrenalin running throught my veins and the electric impulse of my nerf boosted in exponential way.
I get out the hurricane and land on a mountain pike. there is a home there and the barman of the tavern get out of the home and point on me one of his finger. "Youu are blessed by thor now!" did he say. Then i see on my body an huge symbol of thor burned in my skins.
I wake up at this moment. I was really tired and feeling bad in my body, like when you run too munch.
It was a nice dream.
Well. Starting a new life.
Since three month i have quit France and now i living in Amsterdam.
My friend don't want to see me. they don't accept what i have done.
My wife (almost married) still in paris. She is waiting the right moment for coming, when she will have the authorisation for taking a "sabbatic hollidays". So i'm leaving alone.
Because everything is new here i decided to start a new life on new base.
I let behind me a life full of shit (and good thing also) and start a new one. More clean.
I have a job and i wake up evrey morning at time (almost). My supervisor think i'm not bad. that is very different than the past and my olds jobs. I can smoke every day but i have reduce my consommation of cannabis.
Some résolution for my new life :
- be honest all the time. I discovered the life is more funny when you are honest.
- learn hand drawing.
- starting photography.
- writing my PnP RPG (Oma Team, SciFi Game) for once.
- keep my job. For once.
- learn how to keep money.
-----------------------
My friend don't want to see me. they don't accept what i have done.
My wife (almost married) still in paris. She is waiting the right moment for coming, when she will have the authorisation for taking a "sabbatic hollidays". So i'm leaving alone.
Because everything is new here i decided to start a new life on new base.
I let behind me a life full of shit (and good thing also) and start a new one. More clean.
I have a job and i wake up evrey morning at time (almost). My supervisor think i'm not bad. that is very different than the past and my olds jobs. I can smoke every day but i have reduce my consommation of cannabis.
Some résolution for my new life :
- be honest all the time. I discovered the life is more funny when you are honest.
- learn hand drawing.
- starting photography.
- writing my PnP RPG (Oma Team, SciFi Game) for once.
- keep my job. For once.
- learn how to keep money.
-----------------------
Chapter one : Gifted
I was born in a nice familly. My father and my mother have meet them and get married young. I got a great sister -4years and half- and i also have a little sister -18 month-.
When i was really young, like 5 or 6yo, my father discover that he have multiple sclerosis. He have spend 10 years in a chair. I the small school my parents discovered that i was a genius. But they were young and don't really know what they should do. My little sister was dyslexic so my parent were focus on her. In the school the other childreen starting to hate me. Because i was different and also because the only response to their threat i can found was violence. I learn how to read and write in 2 month and how to handle number in 3. A 7yo i was interest by Thomas Edisson or Albert Einstein. I have ridiculize my teacher by explaining her in front of the class the relativity theory.
With the other childreen i only have problem. So i starting to begin like a turtle hidden in his small world. I was always in the sky and i starting to be really bored at school. Then i starting to stop listening the teacher and of course even i was a genius there were a lot of thing i wasn't know. And i miss a lot of basic knowledge. So i was no longer a genius. No really. My gift have move, from the scientific to the psychologic and social. I am very good for understand people now, not like in the past.
Then my first contact with school was violence and stupidity. And in the familly side i was in conflict with my father since i can speak. Because i were more clever than him and i can't be wrong of course (and me not at this time so imagine how far away it can go). Actually the war still open. My mother was really nice. She have sacrifice his personnal life for us. Me and my sister, my fazther too don't really deserve so munch attention. My mother try to change my situation by changing me of school. The only good thing in the year i spend in the catholic school was Vince, my first friend and blood brother. The week end i was doing crossbiking in the woods and every evening since i have 6yo to 19yo i spend every night on my computer. Each saturday evenig i was playing roleplaying game.
Chapter two : The high School :
A 11yo i going to the technical school for learn electrotechnics. A boring thing. But it was a new world with new people. No one knew me so i were able to have friend. I also discovered the boudhism in the temple located just under my house. With the boudhism i discoved how to hide my pain. Then i were able to fight every day with a dumb guy in my school and back home with nothing on the face. So my parent were not afraid for me. It was like this, i have to keep my problem for me because it's nothing compared to my father or my little sister. yeah... A 13yo after hollidays colony i come back from UK addict to LSD. I discovered this shit at random. Without knowing it. and when i come back the misfortune make me meet me a guy whi make me meet an other guy. With this one we starting to go in rave party in secret. For my parent the week end i was sleeping with a friend in his or her house. Then every week end i was doping myself. I starting to waste my free time with some drug dealer and other guy like this. They were good fellow at this time. This period cost me some health trouble and the woman i was loving at this time. A 16yo, the 16 may 2002 i decided to stop everything. After a huge cocktail of various drug and being catched by a cops. They make me pass some test and show me how my body was bad.
Chapter 3 : Internal fighting
I was really lost a this time. One part of me was a fucking guy, drug addict and loser. And an other part would change. Take a other path. During 3 years i have work on me. My blood brother have quit me for one year because i was a bastard. I starting to discovering my own faith, my own philosophy and then i have start to change. One day i have accepted what i've done. Every single things i've do i reconize it. I take my responsability.
At 18yo i meet my actual girlfirend, the one i call "my wife" because i'm crazy about her. For i decided to change more. I work on it and i have change.
Now i am someone peacefull and friendly. I'am tolerant and respectuous. I try to learn about the people around me. I work for help every one i can and to be someone nice.
I am good to help people. It's easy. You just have to ask him a lot of question. Like why have you do that? why have you think that? then the person you try to help will find the answer of the problem by himself.
This is who i am. or a part.
cya
When i was really young, like 5 or 6yo, my father discover that he have multiple sclerosis. He have spend 10 years in a chair. I the small school my parents discovered that i was a genius. But they were young and don't really know what they should do. My little sister was dyslexic so my parent were focus on her. In the school the other childreen starting to hate me. Because i was different and also because the only response to their threat i can found was violence. I learn how to read and write in 2 month and how to handle number in 3. A 7yo i was interest by Thomas Edisson or Albert Einstein. I have ridiculize my teacher by explaining her in front of the class the relativity theory.
With the other childreen i only have problem. So i starting to begin like a turtle hidden in his small world. I was always in the sky and i starting to be really bored at school. Then i starting to stop listening the teacher and of course even i was a genius there were a lot of thing i wasn't know. And i miss a lot of basic knowledge. So i was no longer a genius. No really. My gift have move, from the scientific to the psychologic and social. I am very good for understand people now, not like in the past.
Then my first contact with school was violence and stupidity. And in the familly side i was in conflict with my father since i can speak. Because i were more clever than him and i can't be wrong of course (and me not at this time so imagine how far away it can go). Actually the war still open. My mother was really nice. She have sacrifice his personnal life for us. Me and my sister, my fazther too don't really deserve so munch attention. My mother try to change my situation by changing me of school. The only good thing in the year i spend in the catholic school was Vince, my first friend and blood brother. The week end i was doing crossbiking in the woods and every evening since i have 6yo to 19yo i spend every night on my computer. Each saturday evenig i was playing roleplaying game.
Chapter two : The high School :
A 11yo i going to the technical school for learn electrotechnics. A boring thing. But it was a new world with new people. No one knew me so i were able to have friend. I also discovered the boudhism in the temple located just under my house. With the boudhism i discoved how to hide my pain. Then i were able to fight every day with a dumb guy in my school and back home with nothing on the face. So my parent were not afraid for me. It was like this, i have to keep my problem for me because it's nothing compared to my father or my little sister. yeah... A 13yo after hollidays colony i come back from UK addict to LSD. I discovered this shit at random. Without knowing it. and when i come back the misfortune make me meet me a guy whi make me meet an other guy. With this one we starting to go in rave party in secret. For my parent the week end i was sleeping with a friend in his or her house. Then every week end i was doping myself. I starting to waste my free time with some drug dealer and other guy like this. They were good fellow at this time. This period cost me some health trouble and the woman i was loving at this time. A 16yo, the 16 may 2002 i decided to stop everything. After a huge cocktail of various drug and being catched by a cops. They make me pass some test and show me how my body was bad.
Chapter 3 : Internal fighting
I was really lost a this time. One part of me was a fucking guy, drug addict and loser. And an other part would change. Take a other path. During 3 years i have work on me. My blood brother have quit me for one year because i was a bastard. I starting to discovering my own faith, my own philosophy and then i have start to change. One day i have accepted what i've done. Every single things i've do i reconize it. I take my responsability.
At 18yo i meet my actual girlfirend, the one i call "my wife" because i'm crazy about her. For i decided to change more. I work on it and i have change.
Now i am someone peacefull and friendly. I'am tolerant and respectuous. I try to learn about the people around me. I work for help every one i can and to be someone nice.
I am good to help people. It's easy. You just have to ask him a lot of question. Like why have you do that? why have you think that? then the person you try to help will find the answer of the problem by himself.
This is who i am. or a part.
cya
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